Don’t ask me why I’m thinking such thoughts today – let’s hope it’s not a foreboding! But, when I die I’d like a New Orleans type jazz funeral!
A typical jazz funeral begins with a march by the family and friends, and a brass band from the home, funeral home or church to the cemetery. Throughout the march, the band plays somber dirges and hymns. A change in the tenor of the ceremony takes place, after either the deceased is buried (or in my case when I slide through the door to be cremated), or the hearse leaves the procession and members of the procession say their final good bye and they “cut the body loose”.
After this the music becomes more upbeat, often starting with a hymn or spiritual number played in a swinging fashion, then going into popular hot tunes. There is raucous music and cathartic dancing where onlookers join in to celebrate the life of the deceased. Those who follow the band just to enjoy the music are called the second line, and their style of dancing, in which they walk and sometimes twirl a parasol or handkerchief in the air, is called second lining.
I’m only sad that I won’t be there to enjoy it. Well, OK I will be there … but I’ll be dead!
PS: I’d like an eco friendly coffin (maybe cardboard or basket constuction) AND if there was cash to splash a hearse led by black horses with plumes. Oh, and I’d like everyone to wear bright clothes and be really jolly.
Alfie: Born (approximately) 1st September 2008 (from Cat's Protection rescue centre)
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Girl, I think you just wanted an excuse to post that picture of the horse-drawn hearse! You’re a tad young and vivacious to be thinking of death… that’s my department!
Maybe, because we’ve both stared death in the face, we think along those lines, from time to time, eh? I know the last time I and the reaper glared at each other, I latched onto his nose with my teeth and bit the bastard! Either way, death to me isn’t that big a deal, because I’ve been dead before. Actually, I’m kinda dead, right now! Anyway, we’ve all been dead, except for the Hindu-types, out there, that have died hundreds of times. Being a Christian, and the fact I don’t ascribe to recycling, I’d make a poor Maharishi.
I’ll likely go out at the hands of an angry mob, but if shit did happen, and I actually had a civilized funeral, I’d ask that the one or two people there just go out and have a few drinks in my memory, laugh at all the dumb things that I did, and try to forget that I owed them money. No sad faces… besides, death to a Christian is merely a phase we all go through. In fact, some may not die at all! There’s different versions on that story, I know, but I like to think I got the unabridged version.
Another reason you can’t check out, is you have Milo to look after, now! What will the little furball do without you? What, you think P will be able to look after him? You know men can’t be trusted to handle important stuff like that… c’mon! We’re MEN! It’s our job to screw up!
Besides, I can’t afford any more funerals, at the moment. I’m afraid you’ll have to put it off, for awhile, girl, I’m just not able to afford any lengthy trips, right now. Sorry… economics and all that rot.
Oh… and I’ve chosen not to be cremated. I want my relatives, or whatever’s available, to just leave me out in the sun, a few days, then package me up and send me to Ottawa, where they can see first hand (and smell) what they’ve been taxing the bejebus out of, all these years!
By: The Highwayman on June 25, 2008
at 2:23 pm
Les,
The above is hilarious! Only you could write this to me!
And yes, I’d subsribe to this too: “I’d ask that the one or two people there just go out and have a few drinks in my memory, laugh at all the dumb things that I did, and try to forget that I owed them money. No sad faces…” LOL!
I’m feeling better already!
By: Author on June 25, 2008
at 2:33 pm
I think that would be a great funeral and I mean that in the sense of celebrating your life. I know funerals are heartbreaking for all of us but we should try more to celebrate a persons life too. Although don’t be thinking too much about it Auntie Jan, I don’t want you leaving us for a long time yet!
By: romach on June 25, 2008
at 7:13 pm